|
PTSD Resources for Survivors and Caregivers Poetry Page 3 |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
Survivors find peer support |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
Poetry Page 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8
Art Page 1, 2, 3: The Door Music Page 1 Support Pal Inspirational Stories Page 1, 2 Book Review Page 1, 2, 3, 4 |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
GFW is not responsible for the content of an individual's work which may act as a trigger for some people. |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| NO PEACEFUL SLEEP I. in the beginning these are my tiny limbs. the camera clicks a sleeping mother, 9 months pregnant, head rested, worn like a work boot, lovely beneath the christmas tree. immaculate mother, where will i be in this photo? next to the tv with its lips and words and the wielding arms of asian men. i am on the couch with him, the father, enormous -- you're still sleeping, obediant as a dog on the carpet. the father's hands move over me. i am ten and it is new year's eve -- the year of the rat, and it creeps like the one daddy tried to trap after my sister woke up screaming at the nasty beast. it is alive and i am alive. the blasts of guns begin -- happy new year! the father lifts me up on his shoulders and goes to get his gun. i am ten but i am the oldest so i get to stay up. blam! the gun goes off and i hold my small ears with my mittens, safe beneath the father, enormous as this night. back inside my mother lies sleeping. father figgets next to me; if he rolled over, i'd be dead for sure, i think. but he lifts me up and plants me down on his belly. i laugh. he smiles and says, let's play a game -- throwing me up in the air and back down again -- up and down. i giggle and mommy is sleeping. i try to be quiet or she'll get mad. he brings me down, this time lower -- i feel something strange against me, like the time i was shocked while turning on the light in our damp cellar. daddy is smiling -- i can smell his breath on my neck, and i want down, but he continues to rock me against him. i want to go sleep with mommy, but he pushes me back into the cocoon of covers next to him on the couch. it is still snowing and i pretend to be asleep. i strain my eyes tighter and feel a hand pulling at my pajamas. there's humming like snow in my head. i pretend i am asleep and the big hand moves down my underpants. i hold my breath; something's very wrong. i know this isn't a game -- i'm ten but i know what that part of a girl is for. tears are behind the door. i close it tight. the fingers inch into me and i can still hear guns firing in the background. then the big hand takes mine. i am limp as death and i think about my baby brother. my stomach hurts and something hard is in my hand. i pretend it is not touching my body; i clip it off like a broken wing. the giant hand wraps the little hand around the thing -- moving up and down like our game and a faraway sob escapes my mouth. my hand returns to me now. i open my eyes and see the father. he asks me if i'm ok and goes to get me some water. he speaks about going on a picnic, all of us, but it is still snowing. mommy wakes up and sends me to bed. my stomach hurts and i cannot sleep. on the tv screen, two men continue to fight. A.M. 1/97 |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| UNTITLED what kind of power is this makes me pull thin fingers through matted hair and a strangely unshaven face to my breasts trembling fear in my pulse but oh I do it again until it no longer frightens me and finally let it go a tornado in its destructive path what is it in me that brings down the walls of stable brothers makes untidy these halls where you and I and our families have lived for years peacefully am I the bored sister of delilah pounding stone into man into dust and stone again I cannot let it end the hair of the holy has already been snipped I have walked through a desert of mistakes to here and I am trying to live like the rest sitting at their desks calculating and chatting about winter and their families children and how we need to order staples and calendars and where am I in this I run through the halls of our home putting things in place and death grip what we have like it will slip too soon from my clutches but it is me you see who is drop kicking the contentment it is this powerful need to purge the love into a red sea of solitude no matter what man you accuse none can compare to death a woman such as I can only ever love annihilation A.M. 11/2000 |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Now" Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater Had a wife, but couldn't keep her. Put her in a pumpkin shell, And there he kept her very well. The pumpkin sits quaint with all her charm aglow, A warm orange hue to hide well the woe. Her world small and watched, Now prized and possessed. A spirit once cherished Now smotherered dead. A kept woman tiptoes Upon the eggshell floor, In fear they will break, For she'll cause wrath once more. Peter won't dry her tears, so she cries no more; The phone hardly rings, she's nothing but a whore. No nursery rhymes, nor Shakespeare, No wisdom, no school book, Taught her this could happen If she took a second look. Don't try to see in, the windows have frost; The layers too thick, the couple is lost. She saw the web being spun But didn't understand, She'd be the one caught By the love of this man. She didn't know how to leave, Or even if she could; Maybe it was the fears and screams Nothing did any good. She said, "I'll show you, I'll hurt me," The mirrors are cloudy now, The walls weak with pain; She ate so many pumpkinseeds, She finally went insane. Nel |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Your Face From the distance that time provides I see your face. It snarls at me in hate. You are no longer a part of my life, except for that face. I would not have confronted you with your hate because you would become vicious then, and I must always be your loyal friend. That friendship was forged in better times and I had not changed. I remained loyal to you even as you betrayed yourself, God, and me. I see that face as it attempts to control my will now. I am thinking for myself again. I choose my way each day and I go with God as I discern Him without your direction. You don't have the power to stop me or to tell me I am in error. I walk free of you. But still I see your face. Yvonne |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| All Alone (all of us) Here we are All alone (all of us) Hidden from the rest In the bathroom with the paper on the floor All the doors ajar All the sinks a mess Like our head Like our life. Kait S. |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MY SILENT CRIES THE VICTIM OF CHILD ABUSE By A DEAF PTSD SURVIVOR All children are born innocent like me, we enter this world helpless and dependent. trusting the adults to take on the responsibility of our care with tender and loving arms. Once innocent is lost, it can never be recovered. When it is lost to soon the wounds that remain can take that much longer to heal. But there is a weapon we can use to fight those who would harm our children, particularly some of our most vulnerable children, those who don't even have the ability to say the word HELP. The molesters, rapists and abusers hide behind us innocent and defenseless ones, those who are afraid to talk and those who need to learn other ways to talk. Young victims like us who defenseless and ashamed were told and forced to remain silent Who could hear our cries? Some of us were threatened or in shock from our traumatic experiences, thus were forced into bearing our secrets alone. When our flashbacks occurred later on in life and when we finally came out from our "delayed discovery," wanting to seek justice, we found that it was too late due to unfair statute of limitation for reporting the crime. The justice system deprived us. Again we became victim and denied our rights to express our traumatic experiences. Parents can be so consumed by guilt that they are unwilling to acknowledge the truth. For those children already damaged; we have to summon our courage and strength to nurse them back to health and love them. We also have to care for the children who come later. With diligence and compassion we must educate ourselves. We must ask for justice and recognize that our "delayed discovery" is due to our lack of education then the Deaf like me will gain our rights to self protection. If justice can be fair to us and become more flexible on statute of limitation for reporting these crimes, then you will see our eyes shining and lips smiling. If it happens to one of your children, let your child know she or he is not at fault and demand justice for this child. This will enhance our self-esteem and make you feel better. Don't let those criminals be triumphant. Don't let them rob us of our childhood. I know because I have been badly scarred! But I keep moving forward. There is much work to be done. Signed "N" |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Soldier: She was a soldier Strong and to her country true. He was a fellow soldier Stronger and braver. She was taught the ways to be Yet he became the enemy. She the soldier became weaker and unable to fight She lost the battle that night. She was unable to do what was trained As the dawn came near she did not see For as the fight was lost she was forever maimed. The soldier girl would forever live in the pain. The thoughts and memory of a land far away Came to be what she would live every day. As years pass, to others she is still strong Yet she knows that they don't see what was done wrong She knows that if on that night.. She had stood to fight. Then maybe she would be right.. But since she didn't She will remain in the pain. For it was her who caused the rain... Candace |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The Masked Man He came into my chamber with eyes opened wide. He had an awkward kind of stride. He had a gun with him he carried it at his side. He came into my Chamber naked and bare. He got on top of me and did his business there. He held a gun up to my head and told me he would kill if I ever did tell. He did these things to me for many yeas. I went through this torture and through lots of tears. Now I'm just starting to love free with not as many fears. Although the biggest torture of it all is gone, it seems to last forever as if it never stopped at all. My flower is a blooming it's not very small. The best part of it all is that I have SURVIVED it all. by Holly |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Hawk" As I watched the hawk soar higher and higher In a clockwise spiral until the hawk disappeared in the bright flames of the sun the hawk is my soul, that reaches out past all boundaries here and now what is and what will be to the beginning of time and before we are the sun unto ourselves we join others to increase the power of unity As the hawk and crow show we are one into the sun whither alone as the hawk or together as the crow we soar into the Sun as the hawk the hawk uses the sun as bright cover for the pray not to see the hawk swoop in for the death of the prey As I watch the hawk souring clockwise counter clockwise and even a figure eight searching for prey It reminds of life through the times of mortality no matter which way to turn we turn into the sun we turn into the hawk that looks for prey the cover that blinds all prey the flames that hide what us below for we seek prey What is the prey we seek! Love, happiness, compassion, companionship, Truth, Justice, a two care garage, a three story house with one underground to hid like the mice from the hawk. So we don't become the prey. Why do we fear each other so we all hide in the brightness of the sun no one can see the danger that the flames conceal. To fear the flames of the millennium that has past and the millennium to come As I watched the hawk soar higher and higher in a clockwise counter clockwise figure eight spiral. Ruth Ann |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The Victor My spirit bruised and broken, yet knowing tomorrow will come, Hopes and dreams, Do they exist?, or are buried deep in the part of me that is in accessible, What is love, Is it that part of me that feels defiled, no, no, no. Love is not in the words you say, It is in the Sunrise It is in the newborn babies cry, You have not broken me, I have overcome, I am not weak, for the things you have broken have mended to become even stronger than before, there is more beauty than ever before, I see the magnificence of the morning dew on roses, I see the true colors of the rainbow, Most of all I trust myself, I trust that You have not stolen my joy, you have caused pain, Yet know that through pain comes strength and virtue. I am the victor. I have over come the night. by Jodi |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
Poetry Page 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8
Art Page 1, 2, 3: The Door Music Page 1 Support Pal Inspirational Stories Page 1, 2 Book Review Page 1, 2, 3, 4 |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
 |
 |
 |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
 |
 |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Copyright © 1995-2008 Gift from Within, Camden, Maine 04843 html Conversion Copyright © 1995-2008 SourceMaine, Belfast, Maine 04915 Content may not be reproduced on websites without express permission. Please link instead. |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Last updated by
9 July 2008
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
 |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||