Gift From Within Guestbook Archives - 2000

I have a lone personal support group online which I started about 7 months or so ago....for all types of abuse...private safeplace

The above website is currently under construction. However, I am presently researching in preparation to expand the site to include a unit on Spousal abuse. Your site is so full of info and insight to the problem, I'd love your permission to link to the Carousel. I feel this is often a "closet" situation and through the wonder of cyber-space, we can reach out to the silent ones who live with abuse every day..carrying scars deep inside as well as well as on thier bodies!!

My therapy is helping others in my position as a survivor of a triple gunshooting

IM GLAD THERE IS PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO HELP PTSD. I HAVE PTSD AND IT'S BEEN 10 YEARS OF DOCTORS AND HOSPITALS AND IM STILL THE SAME. ALL I ASK FOR NOW IS SUPPORT I AM TOTTALY DISABLED. THANK YOU

Need advice on how to stop this....

It feels great to have the same aim!

I was checking out different sites and came accross your. It is a great page. I am a victom of rape and childhood sexual abuse and look for comfort and information in pages like these. thank you.

it is a very nice website to learn about rape, my wife was a victime of such.... and i had so much trouble forgetting it. or accepting it.

I live with the painful memories of the abuse that I suffered as a child every day. I have survived a slew of occurances that have inflicted PTSD. I have been to therapy, have been hospitalized, and have been given many tools to cope. The pain never goes away,some days are better than others. Dissociation sometimes makes it better. Its not always bad...I have a great significant other who is a med student with training in psychology...he helps so much...I wish these things never happened to me...my life went by so fast trying to learn to cope...Iwant to be a normal person...Iwish I were a different person sometimes I feel as though I have been cheated.

not sure

Dear Joyce,Frank and all at GFW, Having purchased all videos when released, each should become a tool in every Specialists Armoury. Particularly 'Rhythm of the Child' and 'The Counting Method'. The latest Video 'When Helping Hurts' I consider so important I advise fellow Specialist's working in this field to view it as a matter of urgency. For those contemplating entering this field compulsory. The contents are so important. The advice may prevent Doctors Therapists and Counsellors from succumbing to 'Burnout' and Compassion Fatigue themselves. We Professionals are supposed to know what to look out for. Yet so many who care for others, still seem to burn themselves out. It is reassuring through Gift From Within, that Survivors can seek help and advice. The opportunity is available to all Professionals too and a reminder "Physician Heal Thyself" first. Rest assured individuals becoming a Trauma Specialist within our Organisation will be shown 'When Helping Hurts' immediately. My colleagues and I send our warmest regards to you all in Maine. David Bennett. Traumatic Stress Centre, Morriston, Swansea.Wales. +44(0)1792 521063.

This site is an inspiration to me. I no longer feel so alone in this battle.

As a mental health practitioner who works primarily with individuals who have experienced severe abuse and trauma, I really appreciated the Gift From Within video "When Helping Hurts: Sustaining Trauma Workers." This past year, I experienced a difficult period of stress, depression, and grief secondary (I believe) to dealing with the effects of trauma and abuse in the lives of my clients. I appreciate Charles Figley's courage in sharing personally how secondary traumatization affected him. I was comforted to know that other professionals shed tears over the griefs our clients bear. Dr. Figley's book on Compassion Fatigue has been very helpful and enlightening, as well. Thank you, too to Frank Ochberg for his compassionate work and effective therapy demonstrated in the video, "Post-Traumatic Therapy: The Counting Method." And thank you, Joyce Boaz for your wonderful, practical, and healing work through Gift From Within -- the website and the videos are excellent means of encouraging and strengthening survivors of trauma and their support people. May this organization continue to be successful in its mission to be a resource for healing people the world over.

I'm thankful for the existence of this organization. I look forward to the day when this country's mental health industry stops diagnosing survivors of trauma with BPD, OCD, Bipolar disorder, Schizophrenia, DID, etc., and directs it's focus and energy to ending the oppression that is fueled by our culture, religions, government, and media.

I am glad to have found this sight, I hope to be a of some help to others as Ilearn more about my own PTDS.

I am a 28 yr. old women who is just beginning to "awaken" to the realities of my marriage. A fairy tale, a nightmare- all in one. Now in my first year of depression and living apart from my husband, I am looking for the strength to see beyond today.

I have been a victim most of my life. Untill now, I choose to be a surviver. Doing what it takes to stay safe. Trying not to isolate. Going to therapy once a month for almost two months now. I know I will get better. I have never repeated any of my abuse to my three children. I try to stay strong and survive one day at a time.........one minute at a time if I have to!!

I just wanted to drop you a line to say thank you for the information your site had to offer. Not only did it answer many questions for me, but it also let me know that "I am OK" Struggling with PTSD I have been on a journey to learn all I can about this problem. In the process I am finding new hope when I thought there was no hope.I lived in silence for years out of fear of moving forward, of trusting when I felt there was no reason to trust any longer. Have been in therapy for seven months now, how I wish I would have taken that path long ago. It is far from an easy process, but it is reachable.....the BIG step for me was going on line and taking the time to explore what was out there. To find the "right" information that would promote good health, not only physically but spiritually. Thank You for making this available........God Bless You and you site, May the Lord continue to shine on you, like you have shined on so many.........Linda :o)

I have passed through the fires of hell to stand up strong,undefeated,unbroken,with my sanity intact,and no one died by my hand.No more fear,no more nightmares,no more cold sweats,and trembling under the table.I am scarred,and the pain will never completely vanish but I can live again on my own terms.I just want to help others if I can,and to find people who truely understand what I have gone through.Thank you for being here.

Thank you for having this site. Being from southern Maine I did not know that a site in Maine existed. I've been trying to get the courage to write my story and I stumble on you. Is there any support in the Biddeford, Saco area?

I want to respond to Jane & her court problems. I wrote a Villanelle poem which speaks to this problem. A villanelle is a pre-patterned poem with certain rhyme schemes and lines patterned to repeat. I hope this speaks to others... JUSTICE FEELS LIKE PAIN

Justice feels so much like pain attached to every part of your being happening over and over again.

Crimes harm bestowed doesn't discriminate, attacks with havoc wrecked not caring. Justice feels so much like pain

wielding great power to objurgate seeks the victim to hurt ever penalizing, happening over and over again.

Retributions first impulse to satiate sends the wounded to judge or jury seeking justice that feels so much like pain.

Court's rulings convoluted with inarticulate voice spewing edicts totally non-compensating, happening over and over again.

Yet we strive to make right, then calculate what price to measure up, our pain disdaining. Justice feels so much like pain happening over and over again.

4/10/00 Karen Duquette P.O. box 26284 Lansing, Michigan 48909-6284

I need as much support and imformation as possible there is alot of imformation for folks with ptsd but not much for spouses. I feel as if I am going crazy sometimes.

I was shot three times in a carjacking attempt, 5 years ago. Besides the obvious physical issues, I am still suffering with PTSD. The courts continue to make life difficult. I am desperately looking for help in confronting my offender. But, because it was a federal case, the federal systems says they have nothing in place for "after care" for the offender, therefore, I cannot do the mediation process. I want and need answers and I just don't know where to turn next.

victims need help in the courts the spousal abuse was bad but the court abuse of the victim is worse! my former husband thought I was dead when he left the room--- now the court is going to finish me off--- for lack of a good attorney---

Dear Joyce,

A couple of days ago I stumbled onto the "Gift From Within" website. I sat there with tears rolling down my face in relief. The only way I can describe my tears of joy would be to have you imagine yourself (metaphorically) as being lost at sea. No navigation equipment, no form of communication and no one knows you are lost. To make matters worse you are stuck in a fog bank. No sun to burn it off, no wind to blow it away. Then after what seems to be an eternity of endless drifting, you see a beam of light cutting through the cold, thick, grey, fog. All your senses come to life. You turn your boat in the direction of the light. You believe that at the end of that beam, someone is in that lighthouse to guide you to safety. But the closer you get the rougher the seas become. The fog gets thicker. Panic sets in. It was safer back where the water was calm. You were comfortable in the fog not knowing where you were. To go towards the lighthouse could be dangerous. The gentle swells that were so soothing have now become surging and crashing waves that within moments could smash you against the jagged rocks. Fear sets in. Every fiber inside you is screaming "turn back, don't go there". Then the thought wisps through your mind in a flash. "What if there is no lighthouse keeper". In that moment the fog breaks just a little, you see the lighthouse and the surrounding rocks. You look back over your shoulder and see the fog bank. You have enough experience to know that the sea is ever changing and does not stay calm. You know the shore line is rugged and remote. The fog envelops everything again and you can barely see the beam of light. In one last moment of thought, you remember in frightening detail the energy and strength it took when the first storm hit and blew you off course. There was something deep within you that gave you the strength to ride out each storm that followed. But now you are choosing to go through the breaking waves to reach shore. Is there someone in the lighthouse? Do they see you, do they know your there and need help? That gift from within wells up inside like a surging wave ready to crest and break. You head in, looking and searching, praying that someone is there.

This morning when I choose to e-mail you, I found that the best way I could start would be to describe what it was like for me to make contact. I've been aboard the "SS PTSD" for two years now and I want to get to shore.

In hopes that you are there,

Katrina Hutton

thank you for being there

Just found your site after seeing an article about sexual health in my Excite Home page; checked you out a little tonight...will definitely check you out further. I went thru a rape a lifetime ago, but never really leaves me....this seems like a good place to come for more healing. Thank you for that.

I am doing my master in Social Work. I am working in different papers, one of them will be incest survivors of sexual abuse. The treatment that I will approach will be a post traumatic stress disorder treatment. Your web-page have helped me a lot. It is a great support of excellent information. Web-site like this are not only helpful to me but it will also be helpful to my clients, community and society in general. Thank you, Denisse Centeno

Fear...something I have smelled, breathed, seen and lived. I was scared the first time I wrote Joyce and asked about Gift From Within and yet I am and have always been a survivor so why be afraid?! The answer is simple....... Because I didn't know if anyone would understand let alone believe the gut wrenching horrible rotten events that have occured to me. Having nightmares and flashbacks are very hard but to actually verbalize the events to someone, anyone, can be so much harder sometimes and then.....its like a miracle......you start to not feel so alone anymore. I wish sometimes that know one could relate with me and the circumstances of PTSD yet it has been my saving grace to find people that have had similar experiences. I still struggle really hard at times and I am thankful for Joyce and all those that I have written to in Gift From Within. Its a safe place to come even if you can't come often enough, its still safe. There has not been too many places in the world that I can say that about. Nobody yells at you or hits you or invades your space, you can be you and even cry which something I have a really hard time doing. I have been given hope and in turn I have been given some of my life back. If you are searching and you stumble upon this web site, know that there are real people out there that do care even when your gut tells you that know one could ever care. I know different now..... but only because the Grace of God. The only one that can help you is you. :)

We must see the merit of giving encouragement where giving it is not earned regardless of race, creed, sex, or sexual orientation. Any person can give encouragement when they are certain they will reap a profit. However, to give encouragement with no notion of appreciation, no certainty of reaping any reward is largely the right of people who have as a feature, significant integrity, awareness of who they are and compassion for another individual. I believe all of us have the confidence, intelligence and the selflessness to give another person words of encouragement and empathy. With everything we have within our superior brain, our ideology we must not be sightless to such excellence. If other people gave encouragement to their brothers and sisters where such a gift were not warranted, no one would feel unconnected to those around him. We would know the true meaning of happiness even if we give encouragement honestly and without expectations. It is my belief this would help us accept and grasp the mystery of life. I for one can say it improves my understanding of loyalty in a friendship alone, not to mention in its entirety the other ideas contained in this belief.

Subsequently, to truly communicate with others, we must be willing to cross barriers we have never imagined. Then, as a community, we will develop a more unified expression of our dreams and what makes us hold in the highest regard those exceptional qualities that make us survivors.

Sean Redmond

One last note: Thank you Joyce for your encouragement, it has meant a great deal to me.

pleased to find your website.I'm 34yrs old,a 'recovering'child-care social worker.I've been suffering from ptsd since may '99 when I was held captive for 3hrs whilst a young person repeatedly assaulted both his parents,particularly his mother.HELP!!!

Thanks so much for your dedicated service to care for the caregivers of trauma. I found the 15 minute video: "When Helping Hurts: Sustaining Trauma Workers" very helpful and useful in continuing education of hospice and oncology volunteers, who show signs of compassion fatigue and burnout. Your video helped us see & hear about the "fallout" that comes from prolonged exposure to helping the traumatized Thank you so much.

I stumbled upon this site and I'm very glad I did. It helps to know that you are not alone. I will have to sign up for a pen pal, but if anyone needs to talk, feel free to email me. I found another good site where you can talk to others via the computer. It is the Women's Healer Journal and the website is: http://twhj.com

5:08AM---A FRIEND HAD CALLED ME AT 3:AM TO MEET HER AT THE END OF THE ROAD.JEST MARRIED,FIRST ARGUMENT,OF MANY MORE I'M SURE.WAS CHECKING OUT YOUR SIGHT.WONDERFUL!!!!!I PASSED IT ON 2 SEVERAL.

Nice site. Will visit again.

i m so glad to read that im not alone ,,,hit by a semi sept 12 1997,i have spts,,,god bless you!

I am a survivor of 18 years of sexual abuse from my parents and other adults, childhood pornograhy, and cult/ritual abuse

I work for a rape crisis center and I see many clients with PTSD.

I viewed website. I found it very interesting. Thank you.

It didn't look like there was much on PTSD from childhood sexual & beating. But from what I could see you are trying to help and reach as many of us as you can. Thank you.

just browsing for more info on the subject. Do you know of any support groups within my area (SF Bay Area)?

I'm really glad I found gift from within. The survivor psalm speaks to me very personally. It says it all how the pain and trauma from going through things that I shouldn't have were not really my fault, but I have won many beautiful things out of them. Society will never understand, how can they? Some things I will never fully understand my own self? But without my past I could not have my present, without my present I could not hope for a future, and yet, this does not have to mean my past must haunt my future forever. I get a little stronger every day and I try to make what has brought me pain into something that can bring me and others meaning. Through my writing and my living children I stand a chance at hope. I can never for get my losses such as pregnacies and career, but maybe I can piece enough together to build a life without them. I don't want to die any more not physically or mentally, no matter how hard it might get. I'd like to reccomend a new video release I just watched and it still made me cry "Girl, Interrupted" I connected on a deep level. It was extremely touching.

I thinks you information was very good and look forward to hearing from you in the future

I am wed to a former US Navy hospital ship, Vietnam veteran. My husband is incercerated, not because of anything he did but because of what PTSD did to him and the memories of the aboard-ship horrors he experienced as a teenager. When we met, I didn't know he was a vet; I learned that when I experienced his first"separation" from me. What that entailed was TOTAL silence for weeks at a time. That was scary and painful to experience. Looking back, I can see that the silence helped me to help him. So I researched and read and encouraged him to attend Group meetings where he's doing time. He is 'better' now, but PTSD will be with us forever. It's nice to know that Gift From Within can serve as 'my' Group meeting, when needed!

Found your site after a web search. I am UK based and founded/run a support group for PTSD sufferers in the Lancashire county of England. The group is TRAUMA, PO Box 28, Carnforth, LA5 9GF. (England) Always interested to contact other support groups and search out more information on PTSD to pass on to others. The condition is not all that well known about in the UK so every little helps. All the best, catch you again in the future.

Boots

I practice feminist archetypal psychology while treating trauma especially with Bosnians. I found that the field utterly lack the balance of the feminine to the extreme masculine shown in violence and aggression. I was looking for healing practices for treatment. My resources have been limited and I am very appreciative of this site. This resource has incorporated "first person story" in its healing methods and included the body/brain NLP options as noted by the Counting Method. Joyce is a warm professional that has reached out and helped in my efforts with Bosnian war crimes survivors. I look forward to the tape. I plan on using the tape with the Humanitarian Relief professionals I work with in Bosnia and the Dutch SFOR. Thank you so much. I could use help in funding my work in Bosnia. Please refer any possibilities for this to include grant writing activity! I seek professionals wanting to volunteer their time and come to Bosnia with me.

This website is an important source for PTSD sufferers like me. Thank you for existing and for caring.

thank you for showing me what i am going through i just thought i was crazy and not worth knowing thank you and god bless

What a marvelous site! It's wonderfully and sensitively designed with trauma victims and survivors in mind. Gift from Within is an invaluable resource that is readily available and usable for the lost who seek light and restoration. I have just started a new business, attempting to position myself on the ground floor of a $7 trillion online business by the year 2004. I am part of a successful Internet company (BigSmart.Com) that is continually breaking all records of the industry in its 4th month of operation. My business features a Global Supermall with 1300 stores, 7 million namebrand products and services (to include popular DotCom Companies like BarnesandNoble, PlanetRx, Borders, Dell, MarthaStewart, Avon, JCPenny, etc), 24 hours/day, 7 days/week 365 days/year--all from the privacy of one's own home or office. I own this business for the past 4 weeks, and as I become successful, I plan to make contributions to Gift From Within to keep its essential programs and services to ensure they will always be in place for those who need them. Money is important for most things: GFW needs such support!

Joyce, the website looks great. I re-read what I wrote 3 years ago about Gift From Within. Every word of it means just the same today!! It's a wonderful thing that you all are doing keep it up. For those of you struggling to heal... keep at it! Nothing comes over night, but it will come!

I am impressed with your Web site. Although the subject of trauma is broad in scope, your expertise transforms general principles into personal application with laser-beam accuracy. Thank you, Dr. Ochberg, for your most unique blend of science and poetry.

Just wanted to express my deep gratitude for your having sent out the video immediately upon my request despite the dovetail with your leave-taking. The "When Helping Hurts : Sustaining Trauma Workers" video proved an invaluable resource for the class I taught entitled "Boundaries, Ethics and Self-Care" for trauma responders. The tape is informative, compelling and thought provoking. It is so very well done. I know I will use it again and again as I have opportunity and create opportunity to stress the importance of care for the caregiver. I am planning on using it for an in-service for the Disaster Mental Health Department of our American Red Cross here in San Diego. I serve as Chairperson of Education and Training for the department. Many thanks again. Blessings, Enid Singer, Ph.D., C.T.S.

As a survivor I would like more information on what your organization does for us. I would also like to thank you for recognizing this disorder and how dibilitating it can be. I have been plagued by ptsd for almost a year now. I am trying to get financial help through SSI because I have children and it is all I can do to care for them and make sure they have all the love and safety that I didn't have.

In the fall of '95, due to a volatile and dangerous DV situation, I fled the State of MI with my 13-year-old daughter and headed to SC. Within 3 weeks of our arrival, I fell down a flight of stairs, permanently injuring my back.

I found an old copy of a MI Family Law journal ... in it was a description of PTSD symptoms, and an 800 number for GFW. I called, and spoke with Joyce. What an angel, she was! At last, I had a name for what I was experiencing ... I wasn't going crazy. I was having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. I was traumatized.

I've never gotten "over it" but I know I've worked through it and gotten "beyond it." I STILL have my PTSD moments/days, but I NOW know I'm not NUTS! I never thought I could ever say: "Thank God I've got PTSD," but I can honestly say: "Because of PTSD, I've found myself ... and am more in touch with my self than ever." Because of PTSD, I've become more sensitive and aware of my environment, and of those whom I encounter.

My story: http://members.aol.com/CalypsoSun/story.html

My domestic violence pages: http://members.aol.com/CalypsoSun/dv_abuse.html

My PTSD pages: http://members.aol.com/CalypsoSun/ptsd.html

Thank you, Gift From Within ... Thank you, Joyce

Your information is extremely accurate, and so far, the best explanation of how an abused spouse feels. It is my story. I am a one-time survivor and am now going to be a two-time survivor, though this time it is mental, financial, and emotional abuse without actual physical contact. He established that well enough in the beginning of the marriage by performing his *gorilla tactics* (slamming his fist into the wall, throwing a tub of butter past my head, attempting to stop me as I attempted to walk away, and banging like a madman on the bedroom door (after I removed his things from that bedroom, ultimately throwing him out) until I threatened to call the police.

His threats now of committing me and taking my child, I know are empty, threats for him to keep control....but I shall prevail.

I am strong and wonderful....and I will survive this like I survived the first.

Now, if only I can figure out the transition.

Thank you for your work, Doctor, it has touched me deeply. When I am on the other side, I will dedicate time to help others as well. Afterall, I am becoming an expert at all aspects, having experienced a good deal of it first-hand.

Take care and may God bless you. Sharon Benson

Dr. Ochberg is similar to "My Uncle Frank". He helped begin the cycle to save me in 1992. I dearly miss him. Domestic violence, the trauma, genetics and the aftermath left me with lifelong PTSD, Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder. I have been stable for quite some time now after a long, bumpy road. Medicated for the rest of my life and legally classified mentally disabled, I am living independently; I am a survivor!