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PTSD: Definition of PTSD How Common, Who Gets PTSD? Is PTSD a normal event? Does PTSD Affect The Brain? Duration Pregnancy Delayed Onset PTSD PTSD Tip Sheet for your Doctor Medications for PTSD Distinguishing PTSD from BPD Generalized Anxiety Disorder Can the Wounds of PTSD Heal? Complex/Chronic PTSD: CPTSD Explanation Long Term Prognosis & Complex PTSD PTSD vs. CPTSD Managing Past Intense Feelings Overcoming Complex PTSD PTSD Symptoms: Anger and Brain Injury Anger Flashbacks Loneliness Feelings Of Loss And Sense Of Self Anxiety Numbing Re-Traumatization Differences bet. Depression, Dysthemia, Major Depression Depression vs. Sadness and Grief Biological Depression Memory Loss Triggers and Body Sensations PTSD & Facial Tics Emotional & Physical Reactions Delayed Stress Response after Experiencing a Shock Can A False Memory Happen? Differences Between Hypervigilance and Hyperarousal Negativity & Pessismism after Trauma PTSD/PTSI Insomnia: Not Being Able To Sleep PTSD/PTSI & Psychosis Relationships: Peer Support Issues Explaining PTSD To Children False Memory Toxic Family Of Origin Protection From Unwanted Contact Preventing Intergenerational PTSD Numbing in Male Survivors of Domestic Violence How To Increase Social Support Caregivers/Partners with PTSD: Starting a Conversation about PTSD Both Partners with PTSD & its Complications Fiancé Doesn't Believe in Therapy Managing PTSD After Partner Pushes Too Hard Childhood Abuse: Emotional Abuse Childhood Trauma & Intrusive Images Revisiting The Scene Of Trauma And Abuse Gaslighting Stockholm Syndrome & Child Abuse Survivors Can a Child be Born Depressed Childhood Survivors and Being a Parent Work Issues: Disability Letter for Attorney-Sample Low Stress Jobs Doctor's letter for Employer Sample Dealing with Co-Workers Job Searching with PTSD Recovery: Frank Ochberg's Color Wheel of Positive Emotion Triggers Rebuilding Self Esteem Life After Trauma Coping During The Holidays Substance Abuse Improving A Damaged Self-Concept Explaining PTSD is a Responsibility Grief & Loss from a Tragic Death The Trauma Bond & Forgiveness Sudden Panic, Anxiety & Flashbacks Stockholm Syndrome, Trauma Bond and Undue Influence Therapy: Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Inadequate Therapy When to End Therapy Repeating Your Trauma Story PTSD Symptoms After The Therapy Hour Exposure Therapy Service/Therapy Dogs & PTSD ECT (Electro-Convulsive-Therapy) Bipolar & ECT Therapy: An Interview Telling Trauma Story to Therapist PTSD Client Expectations from Therapy Sessions Veterans & PTSD: PTSD A Disease Seasonal PTSD & Anniversary Reaction. Emotional Injury Therapy Sessions Active Listening for Moms and Friends Military Sexual Assault Professionals: Compassion Fatigue Consequences Of Emotional Numbing School Teachers And PTSD Using The Counting Method with Clients Helping Clients with PTSD Other Conditions: Borderline Personality Disorder Social Phobia Dissociation Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) Cutting & Self Harm Link between PTSD, BPD and Bi-Polar Somatization Disorder or Briquet's Syndrome Stockholm Syndrome & Child Abuse Survivors Dealing with Psychopaths & Narcissists
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				PTSD Recovery: "The Trauma Bond," & Forgiveness Q: Dear Frank, This question, addressed to you, recently arrived: Why do I still feel like I am drawn to the person who victimized me exploited me and then convinced his buddies to victimize me? I hated him for so long the pain and anguish wouldn't go away. Every now and then I feel the need to write to him to tell him he is forgiven. My last few weeks have contained flooding of memories of abuses in my past and therapy medication and group therapy still haven't sunk in yet. I keep getting the same vibe that I want to contact him. This doesn't go away (the trauma) does it? I am trying my best to make all help available to me take effect but I sense I am getting sicker not healthier. I couldn't go to a local hospital because of resident legalities so I am searching elsewhere for an inpatient program that deals with DBT and healing. I know I can benefit from that. There has to be a way to make all the memories disappear. What is the way to do this? I hope you are well. Thank you for reading this. A: Dear Joyce, This is an unusually candid and important question. Here is my answer: Being drawn to a victimizer isn't uncommon. Some people call it "The Trauma Bond." Many recipients of cruelty feel attached to the tyrants and bullies who have persecuted them. In some cases this is due to training from an abusive childhood. The little girl or boy endured harsh parents and sibs and learned to equate beatings and ridicule with survival. Or the capture and hostage situation known as Stockholm syndrome may apply. A person is reduced to an infantile state, unable to talk, move or eat without permission and then is given the elements of life by the captor. The relief is experienced as a sensation of love. Years later, harsh treatment is falsely equated with romantic attachment. There are other theories as well, accounting for paradoxical positive feelings toward a heartless abuser. I do not recommend sending a message of forgiveness to most of these abusive men (or women). Unless he or she has a conscience and has the capacity to accept responsibility, to atone for being abusive, to earn forgiveness, he or she will not benefit from your charity. In fact, that type of person will hold you in scorn and contempt and puff up his grandiose pride. You do him and yourself no favor by forgiving him if he is an unrepentant victimizer. There is no way to make all the memories of degradation disappear. But memories can be accepted and tolerated. You are not alone; many others are survivors of cruelty. Perhaps you can learn to identify with the brotherhood and sisterhood of those who have endured trauma and are now free from tormentors. PTSD is, by definition, a condition of repetitive exposure to personal traumatic experience. The trauma of the past often feels as though it is here in the present. But if you are free of attachment to a perpetrator, you can say that the past is the past. You may not be able to do that just yet. But you can try to realize that many others with PTSD have made good progress and you can, too. So do what you can to overcome the urge to forgive a person who has not earned forgiveness. Do what you can to see yourself as a member of a large group of survivors. Keep up the search for DBT (inpatient or outpatient) - it is a good idea for you! Dialectical Behavioral Treatment emphasizes mindfulness and modulating negative feelings. Mindfulness, when mastered, keeps you in the present rather than reliving the past and dreading the future. Modulating negative feelings allows you to value your sense of danger or regret, but not to let those types of feelings overwhelm you. Thank you for raising these issues. They affect so many survivors. PTSD affects close to 10% of women. You are in very good company! Tweet Was this helpful to you? If so, please consider supporting our work.
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