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Gift From Within - Questions & Answers with Frank Ochberg on PTSD

	PTSD: Definition of PTSD How Common, Who Gets PTSD? Is PTSD a normal event? Does PTSD Affect The Brain? Duration Emotional Abuse Childhood Trauma & Intrusive Images Revisiting The Scene Of Trauma And Abuse Pregnancy Delayed Onset PTSD PTSD Symptoms: Anger Flashbacks Loneliness Feelings Of Loss And Sense Of Self Anxiety Numbing Re-Traumatization Depression Memory Loss Chronic PTSD Relationships: Helping Friends Explaining PTSD To Children Workplace Issues False Memory Toxic Family Of Origin Caregivers/Partners with PTSD Protection From Unwanted Contact Recovery: Frank Ochberg's Color Wheel of Postive Emotion Triggers Rebuilding Self Esteem Life After Trauma Coping During The Holidays Substance Abuse Improving A Damaged Self-Concept Explaining PTSD is a Responsibility Exposure Therapy Grief & Loss from a Tragic Death Managing Past Intense Feelings with Complex PTSD Therapy: Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Inadequate Therapy When to End Therapy Repeating Your Trauma Story Veterans & PTSD: PTSD A Disease Seasonal PTSD & Anniversary Reaction. Emotional Injury Therapy Sessions Active Listening for Moms and Friends Professionals: Compassion Fatigue Consequences Of Emotional Numbing School Teachers And PTSD Using The Counting Method with Clients Other Conditions: Borderline Personality Disorder Social Phobia Complex PTSD Dissociation Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) Cutting & Self Harm Link between PTSD, BPD and Bi-Polar Somatization Disorder or Briquet's Syndrome
		Questions & Answers with Joyce Boaz & Dr. Frank Ochberg Read "Survivor Psalm" by Frank Ochberg
				Relationships: Helping Friends. Q: Dear Frank, A support pal who I shall name Cathy, to protect her identity, recently wrote me a question about PTSD and friendship. Do you have an answer? Joyce, Good Morning !! I got a request to correspond with another support pal and I am going to try this again. I still frequent the Web site and enjoy your e-mails. I do find that I sometimes get stressed when I think about my trauma. The approach my therapist and I take is not to focus on the trauma unless it needs to be addressed. When I discuss the current issues related to the trauma, I tend to "shut down" emotionally and become numb. So,what to do with my support pal when I need to take a break and do not want my pal to feel I am rejecting her? I have not handled this so well in the past with other support pals and feel bad about that. The last thing I want to do is hurt my support pal. I hate this trauma stuff and wish it would go away and NEVER happen to another person. BUT, it will not go away (believe me I have tried all available options) :-( Thank you Joyce for the services you are providing. A: Dear Joyce, This is a very important, sincere question, from a survivor who clearly has the compassion to help others and the wisdom to protect herself. She asks, "So,what to do with my support pal when I need to take a break and do not want my pal to feel I am rejecting her?" Let me offer a few thoughts. There is an implicit contract between support pals, and it includes the fact that a pal is not a therapist and is not a next-of-kin. The support pal system depends upon the ability of the one in the role of supporter to back away when the emotional burden is too heavy, and the understanding of the one in the role of support-receiver to accept that with grace and thanks. When this works as it should both parties come out ahead. It is a good idea to talk this over before, during and after the issue arises. Within families, and among close friends, there often are feelings of rejection and resentment. Even without trauma histories, close relationships are fraught with similar challenges. Who hasn't been short with a family member and said something in frustration that escalated into a regrettable war of words? Or into a cold-shoulder and a period of estrangement? Intimacy isn't easy to sustain under ideal circumstances. The survivor with PTSD has a condition that includes a higher probability of anxiety and hyper-vigilance, regardless of the topic of discussion. It also includes a risk of re-experiencing a memory that one wants to forget. And it includes the reflex reaction of numbness and avoidance-- shutting down and losing the full and normal range of emotion. Survivors with remnants of PTSD are, in a way, like cardiac surgery patients. It is good to gradually build up strength, endurance and resilience, but not to overdo the exercise and damage recovering muscle. With our support pals, both parties are fully capable of understanding this. Both should pace themselves and one another. So let your support partner know if it is a bad time for communication, or if a particular theme is difficult to handle. You are not rejecting your support pal when you ask for a break. You are explaining your own needs to someone who is in a good position to understand and care about these needs. There are many GFW friends with a condition called "rejection sensitivity." This is a feature of atypical depression, but occurs without depression, too. You who read this may be very sensitive to slights from others. Or you may have family members and friends with that condition. It usually is a feature of personality, unchanged through time, but more or less in evidence as life becomes more or less stressful. I am heartened to learn that "Cathy," the support pal who wrote to Joyce, is concerned about the way another survivor might feel if "Cathy" backs away. Sometimes, however, this is a matter of too much empathy. The one who worries about another person's sensitivity may be very sensitive herself. And in that case, out of well-meaning concern, the support pal opts out of the system entirely. It is just as likely that a receiver of support, learning that a "pal" needs a break, will feel honored to bestow that break. It is a gift. And when looked at in that light, the friend who says, "Of course. Take care of yourself," has given a gift and therefore has something to feel good about. This is complicated business - helping others and receiving help from others during recovery from traumatic and tragic episodes. Naturally, there are feelings of responsibility and, at times, obligation. GFW support pals are pals, and with any form of friendship, there are risks. We all have to do our best to share and manage those risks, to be honest with ourselves about when we are ready and able to empathize, sympathize and handle the burdens -- and the rewards-- of contact with others who share the experience of PTSD. I'm suggesting we be as open as possible with support pals. It is always OK to back off. It is not a rejection of the person. It is a wise decision to take exposure to trauma stimuli in small, measured, tolerable doses. Tweet Was this helpful to you? If so, please consider supporting our work.
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